I have been recently looking at some of my childhood beliefs and fears. I was able to feel how I felt at certain moments as a child. I have seen how childhood beliefs and fears are able to affect us in our present lives.
I was a 4-year old child that spent my days playing and being with my Mom. My brother was in school, while my Dad was at work all day. For a few days, I was left without my Mom's attention due to her stay in the hospital. One day, my Dad, my brother and I, with excitement, drove to the hospital to pick up my Mom and our new baby sister. As we drove home, I got the idea I could take care of my sister the way I did for my dolls. I asked my Mom if I could help take care of her. My Mom told me I was too young. That day was the start of my beliefs of rejection, being left-out, unloved, and jealousy. My Mom spent her day giving much love and attention to my sister, while I spent my days with out much notice. My belief was, attention to me as a child equaled love to me. She was so busy taking care of the new baby, the household, and the rest of the family, I felt a little rejected with the lack of attention. Looking back at these feelings, I understand now why I felt this way. I also understand that when I was a 4 year old girl, I did not understand all the facts. I could only see what was in front of me in the moment. I could only understand what I was perceiving as my experience at the time. My experience of having my Mom give much of her attention to my sister and not me. My experience of feeling jealousy and lack of love was stored in my physical body and my emotional body only to be felt later in life as a trigger. Older now, I understood why my Mom needed to leave me to go to the hospital. I understood, having been a Mom myself, why my Mom gave a lot of attention and love to my baby sister.
Life's experiences remind me of a puzzle. At any given time, we only have but one piece of the puzzle out of maybe 10,000 pieces! The only one who truly has all the puzzle pieces in view is God. We are given just one puzzle piece at a time. We are not able to see all the pieces (facts) all at once to fit together. Each life's experience has many facts related to it. We only have that one fact in front of us and no other to view.
When we have experiences in life, some may feel like bad experiences. These experiences, may include people: relatives, families,, friends, and strangers. We might have people behaving badly towards us, making us feel angry, sad, grief, hurt, or like a victim. It is at these times, we are told to forgive and find compassion. But we feel like the other "wronged" us, so why?
Because compassion & forgiveness heals us. Let me say that again, because having compassion and forgiveness towards others and ourselves, HEALS US-OUR-SELF. Because we only hold one piece of the puzzle, we're not aware of what the other pieces look like. Some of these puzzle pieces are actually within ourself.
To find compassion, we need to sit quietly and relax. Align yourself with your inner-self. Our inner-selves are also known as our inner child and our Divine selves. Think of what happened between yourself and the other. Feel how it felt. Acknowledge your feelings and know it's O.K. to feel this way. Give your inner-self some love and a big hug. Now name the bad behavior you are judging the other person to have. Ask yourself, truthfully, have I ever done this behavior in the past? Acknowledge what you see. You may realize that you also have done similar bad behavior. Now you can see the compassion come forward. You, yourself have done this same kind of behavior, but it had been stuffed down some place out of your consciousness. Understand why you did it. Find the childhood hurt that caused the belief to be formed. Now it's time to forgive yourself. Give yourself a hug and a lot of love. Tell yourself out loud, in a mirror that you forgive yourself. Childhood beliefs maybe formed due to the belief of losing "love". Now look back at the bad behavior the other person projected to you. You'll automatically feel compassion for this person, because you know they also have a deep-down childhood hurt that still needs to be healed. Now forgive them. Picture this person in your head and face them. Tell them you forgive them. Let the picture in your head dissolve away. When you forgive them, you are not forgiving them for their actions/words, you are forgiving them-the person-their soul. Realize also that the person who has triggered your inner hurt has actually helped you to see what is needed to be healed in YOU. Take this opportunity to heal yourself.
At each moment, we follow our own perceptions. These perceptions are formed using our past experiences, our beliefs (all our thoughts that we may feel are concrete, all that we have not ever looked at and questioned), and our fears. Many people have not looked at their "hurts". They remain "stuffed down" somewhere in their bodies, stored ready to be triggered as pain by others or by their experiences. Unhealed hurts will alter peoples' perceptions/reality in each of their life's experiences. Each person has a different perception due to their unique lives and unhealed or healed hurts.
And so, as we work and socialize with people, we will always have experiences that we will be holding a piece of the puzzle, whether for ourselves or others. We do not know what the other person has gone through in their life. We do not have all the pieces (facts) to our life or others' experiences. As people, our vision is clouded. Think twice before you judge yourself or others. Look at your own negativity/darkness and heal it. Look at your childhood beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. heal them. How? By acknowledging you felt this way as a child. By taking the time and feeling it and sitting with it until it dissolves away. By not judging yourself or others regarding this belief or how you felt. Try understanding yourself as a child and give yourself lots of love. Now, let it go out to God to be released. Release the emotion from your bodies (physical & emotional). Find the compassion, forgiveness, and love for our self and others remembering that we only hold one puzzle piece of a very large puzzle.
By Cynthia Bergsbaken for
Reiki in the Prairie LLC.
Originally written November 14, 2017. Rewritten November 18, 2019.